The annual Lenten reminder to love

A husband and wife sat in their car together for their daily commute, when an argument arose. Mitch shouts at his wife Leslie, “I can’t be perfect!” His declaration silences her.

How would you respond to that statement if you were in Leslie’s position? Mitch might as well have said, “I’m not a Saint!” Or, better yet, “I’m not God!”

What part of the story are we missing?   

Mitch has been habitually viewing pornography for the last three of their five years of marriage. It started when Mitch’s parents civilly divorced. Mitch didn’t know how to cope with the divorce in a healthy way, and he began frequently consuming pornography. Since he couldn’t control the divorce, Mitch began seeking something he thought he could control in his life.

For years, Leslie has tried and tried to encourage Mitch to sobriety with both patience and great grief. He remains unconvinced that he wants or needs to stop looking at pornography. After all, as he said, “I’m not perfect!” Once again, the reality of Mitch’s imperfection hits Leslie. She ponders: Why should Mitch try to be perfect? Why should she even try to be perfect? Where should Leslie and Mitch, and all of us, find the motivation to seek this scriptural based perfection?

In today’s reading from the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus explains that we are indeed actually called to perfection. Jesus says, “[B]e perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matt 5:48, ESV). Prior to this call to be perfect, Jesus–who embodies perfection himself and already lived these depths of love–now talks to his followers about how to live lives that reach perfection. And as we see, love is the key! He focuses in on two specific actions of love: 1) love your enemies and 2) pray for those who persecute you. In this passage, Jesus, as he does throughout the Gospels, once again teaches his disciples about love and how specifically to go about loving.

Unlike the disciples at that time, you have probably heard this message before, but let today’s Gospel passage remind you that the call to perfection is actually a call to love.

While He wants those two specific actions to be ongoing fruit in our lives, God doesn’t want us to be doing just those two acts of charity. It’s more than that, isn’t it? “To be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect” will require many more radical actions of love in the day-to-day.

You might be wondering how this looks for Mitch and Leslie? And for all of us?

Mitch is a son of God, and his identity is his adoption. Leslie is a daughter of God, and her identity is her adoption. As children of God made in his image, we have a desire to be like God. We were created to be like God, who is love, and to give him glory. Thus, it actually opposes our very human nature when we choose not to love.

So if Mitch is choosing to view pornography, is he also choosing not to love? And thus, choosing to not be who God has called him to be?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines love as simply “to will the good of the other” (CCC, 1765).

If that is love, then we can say that Mitch is not demonstrating love when he views pornography. Viewing pornography does not will the good of the individuals in the video or pictures, nor does it will the good of his marriage and family.

Leslie, Mitch, and all of us are invited to seek perfection and choose to love–that’s the reason we exist. We exist to be saints–to live a life so radically for God that his will and our will become one. This type of life will always includes loving passionately and sacrificially. If we don’t do that, we miss our purpose, and ultimately, we may miss the opportunity to spend eternity with God forever, though we can never doubt God’s mercy.

Our motivation to love is because we were created to love. If we do anything else, it’s not natural, and we’ll never find true happiness

Lent brings many reminders that encourage a change of heart and lifestyle. This Lent, may God remind you of your identity, purpose, and mission which will bring you to union with our perfect Father in heaven.

For those who struggle with pornography, take a step back toward truly loving and your identity in Christ and start removing porn from your life. Sign up for Internet Accountability and Filtering Software and pray the Novena for Chastity with Covenant Eyes and the Dominican Friars through the Angelic Warfare Confraternity.

Amanda Zurface is the Catholic Campaign Coordinator for Covenant Eyes. Amanda holds a License and MA in Canon Law and BAs in Catholic Theology and Social Justice. Amanda has served in various roles within the Catholic Church both in the United States and internationally. She is the co-author of Transformed by Beauty. She resides in Washington Court House, Ohio.